Why is I’m sorry so hard… October 1, 2009

So I may have ruined a good thing I had going for me and instead of trying to make things right I ended them. Sometimes I can be such an idiot. Anyway, I found this article that asked the same question I’ve been asking myself ever since, “Why is it so hard to say ‘I’m Sorry?'” I’m going to post it as it relay’s what I’m trying to say that much better.

By Dr. Robi Ludwig – Todayshow.com contributor

We all make mistakes. Nobody is perfect. So why is apologizing so darn difficult to do? Most of us like to be the recipient of a heartfelt apology, but giving is different from receiving, isn’t it?

As I’m sure you’ve figured out, there are many reasons why saying “I’m sorry” is such a challenging endeavor. First of all, who likes to admit they’re wrong? It’s NOT fun! Believe me, I know. I’ve had lots of practice.

Sometimes it’s the fear of rejection that makes an apology so hard to say. The prospect of getting a cold shoulder, not being forgiven or losing a friend can understandably be unsettling, especially when it comes from someone you still love, care about and want to maintain a relationship with. Sometimes people feel that initiating an apology is a sign of weakness.

Apologizing can make some people feel vulnerable, or feel like they are in danger of losing their power and status. Others simply equate saying “I’m sorry” with admitting they’re inadequate or incompetent, which makes admitting mistakes so much harder to do. Some people find saying they’re sorry humiliating. Perhaps they were criticized harshly by parents or other important people while growing up, and as a result avoid admitting mistakes because of the horrible feelings it brings up.

Some people prefer to stay in denial. Their logic goes something like this: If you don’t admit you’ve done anything wrong, then it’s almost like not doing anything wrong at all. If there is no admission of fault, then there is no need to take responsibility. If it were only that easy! Some view giving an apology in very black-and-white terms. Giving an apology is like being the “loser” and the person receiving the apology is the “winner.”

The one who is wrong needs to ask forgiveness from the one who is right. Understandably, that’s not a fun thought. Sometimes it’s our pride or ego that gets in the way. And, of course, those who lack empathy can have a hard time embracing another person’s feelings or perspective altogether, which makes saying sorry virtually impossible to do.

Apologies aren’t supposed to be easy. They are supposed to be soul-baring. That’s why, when done right, they are so powerful and rehabilitative. It’s hard to admit that we’ve hurt someone’s feelings or caused someone pain, whether it’s intentional or not. It’s also hard to see ourselves in a less-than-positive light. It requires taking off the blinders we wear and facing our flaws.

Saying sorry is meant to make us feel vulnerable. How could it not? But here’s the thing: It’s really important to do in order for us to have healthy relationships. We all want and need to feel safe with the people we allow into our inner circle. We want to know that the people we are close to care about how we feel and are willing to admit their flaws. Not taking responsibility for wrongdoings makes us seem unsafe or untrustworthy. And withholding an apology is certainly not going to win us any friends! Saying you’re sorry shows those you love that you care enough about them and the relationship to be aware of your shortcomings and take responsibility for your hurtful actions. In the end, making things right is way more important than being right.

So there you go, and maybe the person I intended this to go to will read it and know I have no other words than to say I’m sorry.

July 2, 2009

I saw this a long time ago and today of all days it just seemed appropriate. I’ve decided that today is the day that I stop living with regrets. Life should be lived, every day is a gift. I don’t think we realize how precious life can be and I just feel really lucky that I’ve had so many gifted days. May you continue to find every day as the best day ever.

Love you all

-kj

In Memory… June 25, 2009

One of my dearest little wish kids passed away this morning. I was really touched by a story that was posted on their blog and felt I should pass it on to all of you. When moments like this happens it makes me appreciate the things and people that are of real value in my life. I know my life is crazy but I take these moments to stop and reflect. To be fair there really are only certain aspects of life that are important, I hope each of us takes a moment to take inventory of our lives and really appreciate all the simple lovely moments that truly make life complete.

All my love.

-kj

The Brave Little Soul

By: John Alessi

Not too long ago in Heaven, there was a little soul who took wonder in observing the world. She especially enjoyed the love she saw there, and often expressed this joy with God. One day, however, the little soul was sad, for on this day she saw suffering in the world. She approached God and sadly asked, “Why do bad things happen; why is there suffering in the world?” God paused for a moment and replied, “Little soul, do not be sad, for the suffering you see unlocks the love in people’s hearts.” The little soul was confused. “What do you mean?” she asked. God replied, “Have you not noticed the goodness and love that is the offspring of that suffering? Look at how people come together, drop their differences and show their love and compassion for those who suffer. All their other motivations disappear and they become motivated by love alone.” The little soul began to understand and listened attentively as God continued, “The suffering soul unlocks the love in people’s hearts much like the sun and the rain unlock the flower within the seed. I created everyone with endless love in their heart, but unfortunately most people keep it locked up and hardly share it with anyone. They are afraid to let their love shine freely, because they are afraid of being hurt. But a suffering soul unlocks that love. I tell you this – it is the greatest miracle of all. Many souls have bravely chosen to go into the world and suffer – to unlock this love – to create this miracle – for the good of all humanity.” Just then the little soul got a wonderful idea and could hardly contain herself. With her wings fluttering, bouncing up and down, the little soul excitedly replied, “I am brave; let me go! I would like to go into the world and suffer so that I can unlock the goodness and love in people’s hearts! I want to create that miracle!” God smiled and said, “You are a brave soul, I know, and thus I will grant your request. But even though you are very brave you will not be able to do this alone. I have known since the beginning of time that you would ask for this and so I have carefully selected many souls to care for you on your journey. Those souls will help you create your miracle; however they will also share in your suffering. Two of these souls are most special and will care for you, help you, and suffer along with you, far beyond the others. They have already chosen a name for you.” God and the brave little soul shared a smile, and then embraced. In parting, God said, “Do not forget little soul that I will be with you always. Although you have agreed to bear the pain, you will do so through my strength. And if the time should come when you feel that you have suffered enough, just say the word, think the thought, and you will be healed.” Thus, at that moment, the brave little soul was born into the world, and through her suffering and God’s strength, she unlocked the goodness and love in people’s hearts. For so many people dropped their differences and came together to show their love. Priorities became properly aligned. People gave from their hearts. Those that were always too busy found time. Many began new spiritual journeys – some regained lost faith – many came back to God. Parents hugged their children tighter. Friends and family grew closer. Old friends got together and new friendships were made. Distant family reunited, and every family spent more time together. Everyone prayed. Peace and love reigned. Lives changed forever. It was good. The world was a better place. The miracle had happened. God was pleased.

Life

So here I am, it’s currently one am and I’m blogging. I really do need to work on this blogging thing, even when I don’t blog I still seem to have followers. So I apologize to all my followers for not updating you on my life more frequently. 🙂

Today had nothing very special about it. It was just a day amassed with so many other days. I did enjoy it though. It was one of the first few days that I was able to enjoy the summer. The heat from the sun, the feel of the grass under my toes, the neighbor kids swinging in their hammock, it was a perfect summer day. I used today to kind of reflect on where I’m going with my life. I’m at this cross road and it’s been a little scary. The unknown, the abyss of life after graduation. I’ve been toying with many different ideas that I actually think I’m giving myself stress. Which for me, is never a pleasant thing, but than, is it ever, for anyone. 🙂 So for those of you who may be curious, here are some of my ideas, some of my “plans.”

1. Stay here in Orem. While that has appeal, my family is right here, I rarely get lost here anymore, I have my favorite grocery stores, etc, I feel the need for a new adventure in my life. But staying in Orem would not be a bad thing either.

2. Move to Salt Lake. This also has appeal. I do however, get lost frequently in Salt Lake, I don’t have a favorite grocery store, but it would be an adventure. What would I do in SL? Good question, but I’m sure it could be amazing.

3. Move to Portland. or maybe Seattle. or maybe Santa Barbra. or maybe Europe. or maybe I just don’t know. The world is apparently my oyster just waiting for me to come and grab it.

So what to do? I just don’t know. I thought at one point I figured it out but than it lost it’s appeal and I wanted something else. I’m sure I’ll figure it out and have decided just to put my fate in God’s hand’s and let Him decide. That, at least for the moment, seems like the easier route. In fact, one of my favorite quotes from my mission was one that stated, if you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans. Well, God must be laughing up a storm. I’m sure he knows I’m doing my best and all I can ask is that I end up where I need to be. In the meantime, I will finish up my last semester and a half in school and see what life unfolds for me than. Until than I shall just enjoy the simplicity that is my summer.

While secretly wishing I was here…

Who are we in this complicated world… March 10, 2009

So I just saw the movie Kite Runner and was really touched by the story. There is a scene in the movie that I felt especially poingant and wanted to share with everyone. Amir is with his father as they are fleeing the country and to get his mind off the events that are happening his father has him recite a poem he has memorized. I loved this poem so much I felt I needed to share it with all of you.

From Mathnawi 1, 1510-1513:

Who Are We In This Complicated World?

If we come to sleep,

We are His drowsy ones.

And if we come to wake

We are in His hands.

If we come to weeping,

We are His cloud full of raindrops.

And if we come to laughing,

We are His lightning in that moment.

If we come to anger and battle,

It is the reflection of His wrath.

And if we come to peace and pardon,

It is the reflection of His love.

Who are we in this complicated world?

Perfection March 2, 2009

I just read Amber’s blog…Amber your blog’s are fantastic! I wish my blogs were as amazing as yours! 😀 Anyway, I’m back to blogging. Again, Amber had a dream about me blogging and would you believe I was going to do this last night but I was too tired from my Disneyland adventures I opted to wait a day. Amber I think you and I are on the same page.

Well, I just experienced the most perfect trip I have ever taken! It was amazing! A couple of months ago I called Lorie and said, I need a vacation, let’s go to Disney! Who is going to turn down such an offer? Not Lorie! So off to sunny California I went. What fun and adventures Lorie and I had! The weather was a warm 85 degrees, the park was crowded but I think the theme park gods were watching over us! The night before Lorie and I had made a list of all the rides and events that we wanted to see. Not only did we do EVERYTHING on our list we were able to do so much more! I was so impressed. We seemed to hit every ride at just the right moment, we had loads of energy, lots of laughter, an occassional slip but it was fine, I even told the crowd that I was okay just super excited to get onto Splash Mountain, and many (not to be cliche) magical memories made. Thanks Lorie for a truly perfect weekend!

The start of a great adventure!

On a super personal note, on the flight home I realized how blessed I am. I have much to be grateful for and so much that makes me happy. I have family who love me, friends who go on crazy adventures with me, and a world of possibilites. I almost feel greedy asking for more. Eleanor Roosevelt said: “Since you get more joy out of giving joy to others, you should put a good deal of thought into the happiness that you are able to give.” I really believe that these are words to live by. I feel lately that I have somehow come to learn who I really am, and I’m really happy with who that person is. I myself am not perfect but I’m making the best of it.

Here are the people in my life that make things just that much better:

So today’s challenge: Understand that there is no other time but now to be happy. Because if not now, when?

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Sing like no one is listening. Love like you’ve never been hurt. And dance like no one is watching.

My little heroes… October 11, 2008

I have an amazing job. I work with little people. The most life changing, beautiful, amazing little kids I have ever known. But these kids are different than most of the little kids we all know and love. These little guys battle life battleling conditions. There childhood is disrupted by doctors, hospital stays, needles, knowledge of a bigger vocabulary than I have yet to master, and yet they remain positive, happy, with a constant smile, and manage to touch the lives of everyone around them. I wanted to share a couple of their stories so that they can continue to be that example to others.

T with his superhero

This is T. When I met him he was in the hospital and was just waking up from a nap. I don’t think he was too excited to see us at first, he may have thought we were doctors or something. That quickly changed when we gave him lots of gifts. I had heard from him mom that his favorite super hero was Spiderman and just before we got there I had found a Spiderman flashlight. He loved it, and I almost think his favorite thing to do with it was to flash it straight into his dad’s eyes. He told me thanks, and that was almost all he said that first meeting. We sent him to Universal Studios, Florida so he could personally meet his favorite hero and from what I understand, it was a small miracle that they even met. T hadn’t been doing very well in the days leading up to his trip. His parents worried that maybe it wasn’t a good idea to take him on this trip, he had severe headaches and was getting sick on a pretty regular basis. After I’m sure a lot of prayer they felt they really needed to take him on this trip. T threw up once at the airport but once he was on the plane it was a full week that his parents watched him be and act just like all the other kids in the park. It must have been amazing. Unfortunately, T passed away a few weeks after his wish. I went to his funeral and was deeply touched by the love I felt from his family. Everyone knew who Brad and I was, we didn’t introduce ourselves to anyone. Everyone just seemed to know. His mom told us we should watch his video, so Brad and I watched. At the very beginning there was T in his big red wagon. His aunt asked, “Why do you want to be Spiderman?” And he responded, “Because I said so.” His aunt being ever persistent asked, “But why?” And then T in his ever cute little man voice said, “Because Spiderman saves people.” T taught me that I should aspire do to be someone who can help others.

I was going to share other stories, but to be fair, I think I’ll save that for another day. But I do want to share my favorite wish pictures. If you’d like to know about a specific wish kid, let me know. I’m always happy to share the power of a wish with anyone.

A kiss from a favorite princess

I wish to be a pirate to find far off lands

I wish to be a princess

I want to go on a vacation with my family

She picked this picture because she thought it was funny that she was wearing her dads shoes. 🙂

I guess the one thing I’ve learned in life in this last year is that life is meant to be lived! We cannot constantly live our lives in state of what if or I wish I had. Otherwise we will live our lives with a lot of empty yesterdays, and I don’t want to live my life like that. So today, go out and do something you’ve been to afraid to do, ask that person out, take a risk with your job, do what you’ve always wanted to do. Because when you do, that’s when memories are made and that’s when life is lived!

Love you all!

Why I think Watermelon could change the world… October 3, 2008

Have you ever sat down on a late summer day to a delicious bowl of watermelon? Could you smell it’s red sweetness over the slight heat of the day? Have you participated in a seed spitting or watermelon eating contest? Have you ever been able to take seriously the person next to you after such a contest as watermelon hangs awkwardly from their nose?

I’m telling you, if the world leaders of today were forced to decide foreign policy over a watermelon eating contest, the world would be a different place.

I think it could be a lot happier, well unless of course your allergic to watermelon, then maybe you shouldn’t participate in such contests.

Look, even grown men can appreciate a really good slice of watermelon!

But on a more serious note, I’m a fan of the round watermelon. Something about it’s ability to overtake the entire refrigerator and leave no room for anything else kind of makes me giggle. Well the Japanese have found away to take this simple pleasure of mine and make it more practical for the rest of the world. Yes, I’m talking of the square watermelon. Can you imagine? I couldn’t so just to illustrate this for you I found a picture:

There it is. Apparently it fits perfectly in the refrigerator and costs an affordable $82. I’m almost positive we’ll be seeing this on the U.S. market next summer. I personally will continue to be the ever penny pinching starving student and will stick with the boring, ever dominating, round watermelon!

And why might you ask am I ranting and raving about the sweetness of the watermelon? It’s far better than writing a paper on Stalin’s Five Year Plan!

I’m a blogger… October 2, 2008

I broke down today and well, I’m a blogger.

Go figure…